I have the crunchiest of headaches. Damn this rainy weather. I've been hunting for the perfect spoon so I could well, spoon my eye outta my skull.

Dammit. I should go home, but I'm medicated (to get rid of the drum routine that's currently going on in my head) and I think driving would be a challenge. So yes, in other words, I'm trapped in the office. Re-reading that, I realise that's one of those scary lines. Y'know, along the lines of something out of Towering Inferno. Yes. THAT scary.

Heh. I'm gonna go and put my head down on my desk and see if the minions will leave me the fuck alone.

But before I go, something to ponder: Why is it that when you obviously have a veddy bad headache, everyone must SCREAM at you? The fuck? I have a headache, not sudden deafness! Keep it down, fucknut.

So here I am, sitting in front of my computer of doom, ignoring the washing machine trying to think of something deep/meaningful/witty to say, and all I keep thinking over and over in my pea brain is "Celine Dion is the anti christ".

Now I know, I know, she's Canadian and so am I, which means I totally have to love her, but that's where you're wrong. Dude, the bitch lives in Vegas. She ain't ours anymore. I can hate her with the venom usually reserved for um, yeah, stuff. Stuff like my job. Which incidentally reminds me that I got a KICK ass review. Y'know those ones that are all "if it wasn't for Ren the building would have burned down years ago". Yeah, it was that good. Too bad I still desperately want out of weasel central.

The experience is great...think about it, 28 years old and I'm management! Buah ha ha. But honestly? I'm tired of this crap. I'm tired of pasting on a fat arsed smile and acting like I love working in the 'hood. I don't love it. In the least. I don't love doing mad overtime while the other management goons cut out at exactly 4.00. I don't love apologizing on behalf of the company for marketing's latest hairbrained scheme. I'm getting to the point where I'm starting to agree with the angry callers and that's not good.

Methinks I need a wee bit of time off soon.

Oh. Since I don't seem to be following a linear thought pattern, more updates and random thoughts:

*I got added to Mizz Erin's links section. Coolio.

*I have a specialist appointment next week to check out my wonky thyroid. Yes. More fun. Rumour has it that this time I'll get a needle in my motherfucking throat! You so wish you were me.

*I'm still crazy about the gal. And she's still crazy about me.

*Though she still freaks out at the extreme happiness of the whole scenario. Some days I'm right behind her on that one.

*I've decided that I have no use for Christmas. I'm not a Scrooge, I just realised that I spend lots of time with family and loved ones, so one designated hang out day kinda seems stupid to me. And expensive. Damn expensive.

Okay. I gotta go and deal with my curtains.

Quickly, cause I'm supposed to be in bed by now:

My annual reviews are fuckin' done!

Had a pretty chilled out party last night (Mary Ann, Kirk & Brain, you were ALL missed). I think it was a success. Actually, scratch that, I know it was a success. Yee haw!

Things with the gal couldn't get any better. Happier than a pig in shit. Actually, quick aside, what the FUCK kinda line is that? Are pigs really happy rolling around in shit? C'mon, that can't be true. Hrm. Anyways. I'm happy. She's happy. There you have it.

I still hate my job. But hey, such is life, I suppose.

So now that the reviews are pretty much done (though I'm still waiting to get reviewed myself), life is almost back to normal. Which means more mindless postings for you guys. Yay!

Okay. I sleep now. Post more while on the corporate dollar. Here's to stickin' it to the man.

Right. Last post for the week. Why you may ask? Simple, I says. I'm in the midst of employee reviews. That and I haven't really started them and I'm supposed to start meeting with the minions on Wednesday. Yeah. I've got a lot of shit to get through in like a day and a half. Fuckin' A, rock star.

But before I disappear into the bowels of Weasel Central, I will leave you with this:

The Reader's Digest version of my life. By Ren.
* let's not discuss how much I currently "love" my job. Let's just say I'd rather be an altar boy at a priest convention, okay?

*the relationship thing is doing very well. We had a really intense conversation about a major fuck up (I didn't do it for once) and gawd fuckin' damn if it didn't bring us closer together. Yay us.

*hospital tests are not fun. Even if they involve radioactive pills (I shit you not).

*Yes, my health is that great that I get to ingest radioactive pills.

*I'm getting over a cold and I sound like a phone sex operator. I'm still not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

*I can't wait until my reviews are over and done with and I can return to surfing the net for a new job.

*I'm thisclose to admitting that I'm practically in love. And I'm terrified at that thought.

So there you have it, blog land.
And now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and have nightmares about Year End Reviews.

And then I pretended I was a grown up

Nothing like a good scare to make you rethink things. I was just reading Shmoopie's newest entry and it got me thinking, dude, I'm totally growing up!

Well, not entirely grown up, mind you. I'm still somewhat childlike (see: overuse of the word "dude"), but something's changing. And it's not just my voice. I'm starting to think about the future and things I really want to do for myself and the people in my life around me. I think some of that is because I now have someone who really cares for me in my life, but honestly? That can't be the only reason. There's gotta be something more.

I want to go back to school in the Spring. Take photos. Maybe even sell those photos. Heck, I know I'm a good photographer. I just wanna be better. It's something that makes me really happy. It never used to. It's like it changed overnight. One day taking photos was a chore, now it's a joy. Granted, I keep forgetting to take my camera with me everywhere, or I'll forget to take the film in to get it developed, but I still love it.

Every morning I now spend more time with the cats. No more rushing around to get into an office where no one really cares that you've shown up HOURS earlier than other people to get work done. Sure I stay too late, but heck, I'm not killing myself to finish everything in one day.

When I'm with the gal, I admire her gray hairs and her laugh lines. I always tell her that they're the best parts of her, cause they make me think she's lived through both the good and the bad. I want my own laugh lines and stray gray hairs. She thinks I'm crazy for it, but the old me never would have noticed those things cause I was always moving too fast.

I take the time to hold my grandmother's hand. And I make sure to split that decadent peanut butter cookie with her. I listen to her go on about the changing colours of the leaves and how she loves the red leaves, but only on the little trees because it looks like they're on fire. I never used to listen to that stuff. I can't even tell you if she used to tell me that. But I know she says it now.

I hug my friends like I might never see them again. Sometimes I even give them messy kisses. Like the one's you used to get from your friend's little sister.

I've learned to enjoy the here and now and not to dwell on what MIGHT happen down the line. Nothing worse than speculation. I know it's such an overused line, but really, go out there and live life to the fullest. Make the changes you always said you would, but never got around to doing cause you were too busy. One should never have any regrets in life. So far I have none. Yee haw.

I need a few things ASAP:

- a new job
- to mail that fuckin' CD out to the fabulous Cati before she disowns my lazy ass (walked in and out of the post office with it. TWICE)
- more tattoos
- sleep
- more time with the gal
- an entourage (just cause it would be so effin' gangsta like, and well, I'm becoming more of a square every day, yo)
- a personal chef (preferably one of the Iron Chefs)

Yeah. That's a good start.

Dear Universe,

Thank you for letting me end up with a very caring gal who has her shit together. However, saddling me with a medical scare is not the right way to pull us closer together. Sure, blood tests are mondo fun. Mysterious thyroid cysts are not. Please cease and desist. But leave me the gal. She's great. The rest sucks ass.

Thanks,
Ren

Today's Question

Why is love so effin' scary?

Suddenly that made me think of a line from a Rufus Wainwright song: Is it love or is it heartburn?

Hmmm. Funny, that.

My last night. By Ren

I left the office almost 20 minutes after that post. By the time I left, I had a "terminator" eye (y'know, all crazy red and scary looking). Managed to get home in one piece. Went and fed my friend's cats and wandered to the LCBO. There, I spoke waaaaay too loudly on my cellie of doom ("Scottie don't" was the favoured quote) picked up some Heineken and had this little sketchy dude stand a wee bit too close to me at the checkout counter.

Got home. Drank beer. Had hot dogs (what WAS I thinking?!?!?!). Passed out on the sofa for a few hours. Chatted with the gal. Dragged my ass upstairs to my room. Attempted to check my email. Realised that my new Terminator eye was acting up. Gave up and went to sleep.

Y'all fucking wish you were me.

In less than an hour, I will have been in this stinkin' office for 12 hours.

I am now going home.

Not because I am done with my mountain of work (agggggghhhh, employee reviews!!!), but because my right eye burns like a motherfucker on fire and it'll mess with my rushing home to do nothing but watch CSI and poke the cats.

Can't have that now, can we?
Hell nah.

Tonight's a Heineken night. Fuck the gym.

The universe is a tricky beeyatch

Right. So that phone call the other day from the recruiter folks? Yeah.
It was a different position they were calling about for a different company. Job sounds PERFECT. One of those jobs where I'd have like a million minions (mmmm, minions), I'd learn lots and maybe even have a good time.

One snag.

The mofo job is in PETERBOROUGH. For those who do not know where
Peterborough is (you lucky sods, you). Take your favourite little red neck town and drop it in the middle of nowhere. Now try and drive to it. Yeah.

I live downtown and on a good day that would be an hour and a half drive out to the middle of nowhere. Now factor in snow, the occassional suicidal animal (yay roadkill!) and the possibility of sleeping in once in awhile. Yup. That just turned into a three hour drive. Don't think so.

Garf.

In other news....the gal mentioned last night that we've just hit one month. I even got a "happy anniversary" song out of the whole thing. Yes, we are that effin' sad. Lovin' it.

Check it out:

Shmoopie threatens the Universe and suddenly, I get a call from a job that I desperately wanted (but didn't get the first time round). Aww yeah. Looks like I've got another kick at it! Fuckin' A!

Shmoops, could you possibly get the Universe to buy me a new ride?

Just wonderin'.

Oh yeah. I've started applying for jobs in HUGE numbers again. Still horribly desperate to get out of Weasel Central. Especially since I'm dating part of the management team. We get NOTHING done with all the stupid arsed flirting and whatnot that we do all frickin' day long. Yes, I love it. But really, I need something new. Something that won't make me as twitchy as this current job.

So everyone cross your effin' fingers and hope I find a shiny new job so I can stop whining about how much I detest Weasel Central, mmmmmkay?

Oh. And I avoided the gym today like the plague. Yay me. Pass that donut. And that pint of Heineken.
Fuckin' A rock star.

How I know today is going to suck my ass

My Gram called in tears. Couldn't even finish a sentence. Mum took the phone. She started crying.
Yup. It's over.

The family cat who's been around for 19 frickin' years is being put down this morning.

Goodbye Cindy. 22 years is a pretty good length of time for a cat. Especially if you had to spend 10 of those livin' with me.

I fuckin' hate Mondays.

[update: turns out that Cindy actually passed away on her own at the vet's. Looks like she hung around at home until everyone could say their goodbyes. *sigh*]

Updates A-Go-Go

Took my gram to the consulate office. Five full minutes of excitement, let me tell you. That's right. In and out like nobody's business. The lady behind the plexiglass probably said like three words to us. No complaints. Kick ass.

Had yet another intense conversation with the gal. Before y'all freak out, it's s'all good between us. The only downside is she's a big thinker and has managed to stress herself out a few (thousand) times. But hey, that's what new relationships are about. Especially when you're dealing with me. We're having a good time. And we're both fuckin' happy.

This will be an interesting relationship, so sayeth me. I'm crazy about this gal, y'know. And yes, I'm terrified. Fuck off.

Still looking for a new job. I know you're surprised at that. Really you are. Actually, the job search is bumming me out. Badly. *sigh*

Tomorrow I go back to the gym. I swear I'll do it. Gotta start getting into the swing of things. Must. Start. Getting. Fit.

Yeah. That's it for today.
Oh. One more thing. Cati, your CD will be in the mail as of tomorrow. Yay!